Finally a step forward

Posted by Sammy on Jan 21st, 2010 | one comment

With the help of my aunt, Gloria, we’ve made progress on the death certificate/cremation front. She followed up with the funeral home and the medical examiner’s office first thing this morning. The funeral home had faxed over the amended death certificate that now DID mention that Gary had lymphoma to the medical examiner’s office this morning. Within a few hours the medical examiner’s office did their part. This means that Gary’s body will finally get to be cremated. I did NOT want to know when this was going to happen but now because of the circumstances I know that its going to be happening today and that I should have his ashes with me tomorrow or the next day at the latest. In a way I’m comforted knowing that I’ll soon have Gary back, even if its not the way I’d prefer. At least I know he’s not going to be sitting in some body storage place awaiting being turned to ashes.

No widow should ever have to deal with something like this. Losing your loved one is enough to deal with.

And the saga continues

Posted by Sammy on Jan 20th, 2010 | one comment

So today I was bound and determined to get an answer one way or another about this damn death certificate and why the medical examiner wasn’t doing their part. There had to be a reason, and there was a damn good one too! They weren’t happy with the cause of death that the quack of a attending physician put down on the death certificate. I call this asshat a quack because he is one. He was NOT our primary physician at all. The first day Gary was in ICU I met him and told him to his face that he was NOT Gary’s primary physician and I’d appreciate that they notify his primary physician so he can resume Gary’s care. Did that happen? Nope not ever!

Ok regardless back to the death certificate. Dr. Quack (no that’s not his real last name) he wrote the cause of Gary’s death to be “Cardiorespiratory arrest due to multi-organ failures”. NOWHERE did he mention what triggered that. Ummmmm did ya forget that Gary had lymphoma? Or hey that because of recent chemo he had NO immune system and became susceptible to catching anything that could potentially kill him. I can’t believe someone would leave out such an important detail. Do you really think that a medical examiner isn’t going to question a 33yr old man’s death certificate that says what YOU put on it? UGH the frustration!!!!

So yeah once I found that piece of info out and the fact that the medical examiner didn’t want medical records they wanted a doctor to clarify and sign his death certificate AGAIN. They were having a hard time getting ahold of Dr. Quack because he has a freaking 800# and ummmmm the answering service doesn’t do jack shit because the message never gets to the doctor.

So I started calling every doctor in the world that I knew. Finally I got a hold of the medical director at Memorial Miramar Hospital (aka the Hospital of Death in my eyes at least). I told him everything. He promised to call the medical examiner’s office and find out what they need and he promised to get this taken care of. Thirty minutes later he calls me back and tells me that the funeral home is sending someone to meet Dr. Quack to get the death certificate clarified.

I hope to god that this is taken care of come tomorrow morning. I’ll be LIVID and will go postal on someone if it is not done.

I NEED for this part of the grieving process to be over. I NEED to know that Gary’s body is not sitting in some storage place awaiting the inevitable. I NEED to begin closure.

Crappy == Today

Posted by Sammy on Jan 19th, 2010 | no comments

As Gary would state in his programmer jargon Crappy == Today. Or is it Today == Crappy? Eh it shouldn’t matter right? Where do I start. Well I woke up beyond exhausted because not only did I take nyquil for my crappy cold last night but I also took an anti anxiety pill because my mind wouldn’t stop going. Boy did I sleep though! I still went to work even feeling crappy. I get there to go into a meeting first thing to find out that a coworker of mine is in ICU and is intubated. That’s exactly what I needed to hear. Immediately my mind goes to Gary and what happened with him. I hope to god that my coworker is able to recover.

The day didn’t get much better from there. I went home for lunch. Cooked my first meal at home. Go me! I checked the mail as I was heading back to the office and in the mailbox on top of the stack sat my $255 death benefit check form Social Security. Thanks fella’s that’s just what I needed today of all days. Definitely not gonna spend that all in one place!

I went back to work and finally got all of the info I needed from my HR regarding getting Mikey and I put on my health and dental insurance. Then all of the paperwork to roll Gary’s 401k into mine. And so forth. Fun stuff. My mind was overwhelmed and by 3pm I had enough. I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t think straight. I was spent. So I left.

I picked up Mikey and headed to the beach to my parent’s restaurant. As soon as I get there my cell rings. Who is it? The funeral home. They were NOT supposed to call me at all. They dialed my number by accident. I told the guy its ok just go ahead and tell me what you have to say, nothing can be worse than the day I’ve had. Ummmmm boy was I wrong.

He told me that there is still no signed death certificate from the medical examiner. They apparently have requested to review Gary’s medical records and told the funeral home to call them back tomorrow. This is a process that should only take about a week at most. To get the death certificate signed by the doctor at the hospital and then the medical examiner should take a week, we are going on almost 3 full weeks! Un-fucking-believable! So my poor sweet Gary’s body is in limbo. He can’t be cremated until the medical examiner signs off. There is a possibility that they can ask to review his body so it could potentially take even longer!

I don’t know how much more of this I can take? I just want this part of the process to be done. I’m not asking for too much am I? It’s hard enough to know that my sweet Gary’s body is going to be turned into ashes, and I’m in no means ready for that but my heart hurts knowing that his body is lying around somewhere just waiting for the inevitable to happen.

So yeah today has been the epitome of crappiness. Tomorrow has got to be a better day.