“Daddy Loves Mommy” :(

Posted by Sammy on Jan 29th, 2010 | 2 comments

This evening Mikey came down with a fever. Not sure where it came from at all. One thermometer had it going all the way up to 105 and another around 103. Regardless that’s HIGH. He was also complaining that his tummy was hurting. So instead of having a real meal I just gave him some bread for dinner to keep things simple on his tummy. Well came time to put him to bed and he insisted that mommy go to bed too so I laid there next to him. We sang songs and all of a sudden he stopped and said “Daddy Loves Mommy”. *Sniff* it was so sweet. Just out of nowhere too. We weren’t really even talking about Gary at the time and all of a sudden he burst out with that. When I ask Mikey where daddy is he points to the window and says sky with the moon and stars. This is only going to get harder the older he gets

What a trip home!

Posted by Sammy on Aug 10th, 2009 | no comments

We’ve been home for almost two full weeks and poof its almost over. It’s been a ROUGH trip home, not as pleasant as we had hoped it would be.

It started off with a bang too. The first weekend we were home Gary was back at the hospital. He started fainting so after the 3rd fainting spell I started calling doctors and all of them insisted that it was dehydration. He ended up being admitted for a few days, came out doing well but pretty neutropenic.

Speaking of…..he’s been neutropenic a lot longer on this trip because we find out that they upped his chemo on round 3. Apparently he did so well with round 2 that they justified upping his dosage even though he was coming into round 3 with unexplained fevers. I guess what pisses us off the most is the fact that no one told us until this little piece of info slipped. Oooops!

So here we are the Monday before round 4 starts. We leave back to DC this Wednesday. Woopty Freaking Do! I never look forward to going back to DC. I love DC. I think its a great city, but I hate the reason why we have to go up there. I hate having to leave our comfy home to go stay in a hotel for a week. I hate leaving our little Mikey at home, even if he’s safe an sound with grandma. I just want this all to be over. To have our life back to the way it used to be. How silly of me to even think that this is a possibility. Our lives will forever be cancer struck. Yes we’ll get past this but it doesn’t mean cancer will never be on our minds. Gary will forever have to go for follow-ups and we’ll forever be worrying that its back.

How odd to think that our once not-so-simple life is actually EXTREMELY simple compared to what our lives are now. I won’t complain because complaining gets you nowhere. But I will say this, cancer sucks for everyone involved. I cannot imagine what Gary is going through inside. I know I’d handle things way differently than him that’s for sure. We are just different people that handle being sick VERY differently, but I know that I’d hate cancer just the same if I were in his shoes. I would never wish cancer on my worst enemy, that’s how bad it sucks. It breaks my heart to see my once healthy husband wither away in front of me. He’s literally skin and bones now. He’s having a hell of a time with the treatment. If its not dealing with fevers, or migraines, its dealing with a nose that is almost as runny as the faucet in our sink. It’s beyond sad and it hurts me like hell to see him suffer. I want nothing more than to take the pain and uncomfortableness that he’s in away. I guess that’s what any loving spouse would do for their significant other right? I know he’d do it for me in a heartbeat, but I hope he never has to.

He’s fighting for his life and more than ever do I want him to win.

If this wasn’t real before

Posted by Sammy on Jun 16th, 2009 | no comments

Boy is it real now!

Gary’s nurse just came in to go over what will happen tomorrow morning. He’ll get the last two chemo drugs as soon as his 4th EPOCH bag runs out. They’ll start him with Rituxan and once that is finished he’ll get Cytoxan. He should be done around noon tomorrow. They have 3 more blood draws to do and they’ll be doing his vitals several times during those two drugs because he can have a reaction to them.

She went over how he’ll need to take his temperature daily and will be in close contact with the nurses up here at all times. If his temp goes above 100.4 he is to go immediately to the ER. I asked her if this is common and if we should expect an ER visit at some point, and she said yes. It’s not that we’ve done something wrong, its just how his body handles it so yes at some point we will more than likely be going to the ER because he’ll be neutropenic. Good to know!

She went over foods to eat and the injections he’ll need to give himself until the nurses tell him to stop. She also went over hand hygiene and just overall common sense about how he doesn’t need to live in a bubble yet he needs to be aware of his surroundings.

It’s just crazy! I know we’ll get used to this new way of life but WOW, if things haven’t changed yet, they sure will change as soon as we leave that front door on Thursday.