Half a year = Today

Posted by Sammy on Jul 1st, 2010 | 3 comments home title

Half a year, poof gone, never to get that time back EVER. Would I want to go back to where I was 6 months ago, no I wouldn’t. Why? Because that was probably the worst day of my life so far. I remember that day like it was just yesterday. I remember being in bed and hitting snooze because I could sleep just a few more minutes. Any night that I was able to sleep without the phone ringing was a GOOD night, why would the morning of January 1st be any different? I remember sleeping and my heart jumping out of my chest as my cell phone started ringing at 6:30 that morning. I remember the nurse on the other line telling me to get to the hospital. She wouldn’t tell me what was going on, just to come as fast as I could.

I knew what that meant. I remember slipping and sliding across the pergo in my room trying to throw on clothes, any clothes. I didn’t care what I looked like. I remember running out to the living room to wake up my little brother that had spent the night with me as we rung in the new year in Gary’s ICU room. I remember running to the other side of the house where Gary’s mom was sleeping and waking her up and having her fall off of her bed because I freaked her out. I remember calling my mom to tell her I was on my way to the hospital and texting my friends to tell them what I was doing too.

I remember arriving at the hospital and parking by the ER only to quickly get our ID stickers and run as fast as we could down the hall to get to the elevators in the main lobby. I remember how slow those elevators felt that morning. I remember running down the hall of the 3rd floor to get to ICU. I got to Gary’s room, the lights were all on. The curtains were closed shut. There were a bunch of people inside. One of the nice ladies that I’d run into every day in the ICU saw me rush in and came to console me immediately. She found a chair for me so that I could sit right outside of the room. I remember crying hysterically because I knew what they were doing. They were trying to bring Gary back to life.

I remember the ER doctor that was tending to him come out and tell me that they’d perform cpr for 30 minutes and then they’d have to stop. Those were the longest 30 minutes of my life. I remember sitting there in my chair with my little brother sitting next to me on the floor holding my hand. I remember crying and covering my face hoping to shield any bad news. I remember hearing them call the time and I knew he was gone. At 7:10 on January 1st, 2010 Gary was declared to be dead.

I remember that same ER doc come out of the room only to tell me what I didn’t want to hear. I remember screaming when she told me the news. The rest of the day seemed like a blur. I was taken from place to place. I remember seeing Gary’s lifeless body. How cold he was. I remember us bringing in some kind of a priest to pray for him. We were surrounded by our family and one of Gary’s coworkers, Amanda. I remember walking out to the waiting room to go give Mikey a hug only to find so many of my friends there to support me in my time of need. I’m still in awe of every single one of them that got up so very early to come be with me. Knowing that the majority of them had young ones at home, they put aside their motherly duties to be there for a friend in need. For that I’m forever grateful to every single one of them.

I remember being whisked away to go look at funeral homes to find THE perfect place for Gary. I remember later that afternoon sitting on my couch in what now seemed to be my empty house with family around me and noticing the time. The FSU bowl game was on, it was Bowden’s last game. We were looking forward to watching that game together. I remember flipping the channel to attempt to watch it, saw the score and someone grabbed the remote from my hands as they saw tears roll down my cheeks.

So I wouldn’t go back in time to 6 months ago no matter how much money someone gave to me. What happened then made me a much stronger individual. I thought I was strong enough getting Gary through cancer and chemo, but its amazing how much stronger you can become when you are faced with death.

3 Responses home title

Christi French says:

July 1, 2010 at 1:02 pm

You and Mikey are always in my thoughts and prayers but especially on this day. You are an incredibly strong and amazing woman to have gone through what you have and to be doing as amazing as you are!!!

You have taught me so much. I’m so thankful to consider you one my closest and dearest friends. I’m here for whenever you need someone!!! xoxoxoxo
Leanna says:

July 1, 2010 at 4:03 pm

You have shown incredible strength and courage under impossible circumstances.
I’m thankful that you’re my friend
Hugs today and everyday!!!
Sarah says:

July 1, 2010 at 5:15 pm

You show such great strength in this difficult situation. I am sure Gary is with you during this time. He must be so proud of you! Please lean on your friends and family when needed.