One *is* the loneliest number
You all have surely heard the song with these words. For some reason this entire weekend when I’ve gotten up in the morning those were the words that popped into my head. I know most of you are probably thinking, but you aren’t alone. You are right, I’m not. I do have my wonderful Mikey, he’s my world right now, and I’m so grateful that I can call myself his mommy. I have family and friends, but they can’t possibly ever know what it feels like to be in my shoes.
No this isn’t gonna be a hugely Woah is Me post. I know I’m entitled to writing posts like that but quite honestly day in and day out I’m not miserable, so posting on here as if it was would be a lie. Somehow my life is going on without Gary, he would have wanted that. He wouldn’t want me miserable. Does it mean I don’t miss him endlessly? Not at all. I miss him more today than I did yesterday. Every day that goes by his death is made a little more REAL to me. Right now it still feels like he’s on this extended vacation and I’m not able to talk to him. But all I have to do is think about how he really will never come back and GOSH it sucks. So I try my hardest to not dwell on that because otherwise I would be miserable day in and day out.
Tomorrow morning at 7:10am marks 2 full months without Gary. How? I don’t know. I wish I knew. This time 2 months ago (well sorta kinda, doesn’t help that February is a short month), I was sitting in Gary’s room spending New Year’s Eve with him. I remember that night like it was just last night. I remember watching the numbers on his screen going up and then going down and telling my youngest brother how I wouldn’t want to leave him if they kept going down. I remember holding Gary’s VERY swollen hand as the countdown began at Times Square on TV, telling him how 2010 would be a MUCH better year for us. I remember trying to compose myself so that he didn’t hear my voice crack because of the tears that were rolling down my face. I remember telling him that I loved him so much and that I’d see him in the morning. Had I known that he’d leave me 7 hours later I would NEVER have left .
Ok so I lied this did sorta turn into a woah is me post. Hey its my blog right? I can do what I want 
Wherever you are, Gary, I miss you dearly.
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A recent widow and single mom doing my best to survive on my own.
Last year I told Gary that I'd raise $1k at the 2010 walk, please help me reach my goal. This year Gary is one of the Honored Heroes for the walk so its even extra special to me. :) Just click on the Sponsor Me image to be taken to my fundraising page. Thank you!!!
Help me get to my 1st Half Marathon in Walt Disney World where I will run in memory of Gary :)
