Counting down the days…weeks…months

Posted by Sammy on Feb 18th, 2010 | no comments home title

My life has turned into a countdown of sorts. A countdown to “milestones”, although I would hardly call them milestones because in my book a milestone is usually a good thing. I’m always aware of how far I’ve come since January 1st and how far I need to go before the next “event” without Gary. Tomorrow will be 7 weeks, yeah you read that right, 7 freaking weeks. How? I have no idea. What’s funny, in a way, is that after Mikey was born, Gary would tease me when I’d count his age in weeks, and then it would be months, and finally I’ve gotten so lazy that when people ask me how old he is I just tell him he’s 2 instead of saying he’s 27 months old. See that’s too much work. I hope one day it gets to that point for me when I’m talking about how long its been since Gary passed. I can hope right?

Well in exactly one week I hit that next event, as if Valentine’s Day…..I mean Hallmark Day (as Gary would call it) wasn’t hard enough for me. In exactly one week I get to go through the first birthday without Gary, and of course of all birthday’s it has to be his. Gary would have been turning 34. We were supposed to be celebrating his birthday on a cruise because I vowed to him when he finished chemo that every birthday that he was around we’d celebrate because it would be something really worth celebrating. When you go through what we went through this last year you realize how precious every day is and shoot when you hit your birthday as a cancer patient, well that’s a milestone that is worth celebrating. We were both looking forward to going on a different kind of family vacation. We’ve done Disney, we’ve done DC, it was time to tackle the cruise ship with the little guy. But unfortunately Gary never got around to doing that with us.

Some people would say, well you should still go. Ummmmm can you imagine a grieving widow and her 2 year old son basically going through what is probably going to be one of the hardest days of the year (besides the day he died of course) feeling stuck on this huge boat in the middle of the ocean? Being around HAPPY FAMILIES??? Yeah, I don’t think so. Not going to happen any time soon.

There won’t be a cruise, there won’t be any celebrating. What will I be doing on February 25th? I’ll be meeting with my friend, who is also my estate attorney, to sign MY estate paperwork god forbid something were to happen to me. If it is one thing that I’ve learned from Gary’s death is that you NEED to address all of those papers that you avoid. You know which ones I’m talking about. The living will, power of attorney, the guardian’s for your child(ren), that sorta stuff. Stuff that you put aside because you never think you’ll need to get around to it. These are all things that we never got around to. Gary started to work on his will, but he never got around to making it official. And of course because of that I’m having to deal with probate and the likes, which will take months to get through. So on his birthday I’ll be signing my papers so that I can have that weight off of my shoulders and I can be assured that my little man will be taken care of. Of course I’m not going A-N-Y-W-H-E-R-E anytime soon!

Ok sorry for the tangent there. So yeah, next week, probably not gonna be a good one for me.