Dear Family and Friends,
Since I don’t have everyone’s email address I figured I’d also post this letter that I just sent out via email onto my blog 
As you all know this is a very difficult time in my life. I lost my best friend, the love of my life, and the best father Mikey could ever ask for. This wasn’t supposed to end this way, but unfortunately it did. I know a lot of you try to distance yourself from my situation as much as possible because you don’t want to upset me. I want you to know that you don’t have to be afraid of me or how I’ll react. Understand that I do have good days and that I do have bad days, but a good day can quickly turn bad by the littlest of things. I can’t tell you exactly what my triggers are because every single day that goes by I learn of new ones. It could be a song that pops on the radio, seeing the intro to a Pixar movie, or something as simple as seeing Dr. Pepper on the menu.
I know you all mean well and if for some reason I take something you say the wrong way don’t fear that it’ll cause me to end our friendship. It’s just how I’ve chosen to react to that particular trigger at that very moment in time. I want you to all to know that you are completely free to say anything to me without fear that it would upset me. And that I’d much rather be upset by what you say than feel like you are avoiding me or tip toeing around me. Things upset me because I miss Gary so very much, but I know that none of you would truly intend to hurt me. And believe me when I say that I’ll let you know if you’ve hit a nerve, but please respect my wishes to change the topic if I ask you to.
I don’t expect my friends with husbands to shield me from things they want to share about their loved ones. Don’t expect me to jump for joy when something GREAT happens to you or your family. I am happy for you even if I don’t outwardly show it. Right now I need everyone more than ever so I’m not stupid enough to just cut off all ties with those that really do care for me. At times I may have to distance myself from certain situations and I hope you’d understand that its nothing that I have against you, its that I can’t deal with that situation at that very moment in time.
As for talking about Gary to me or around me, please do. I find great comfort in talking about him or hearing stories about him. He’s forever in my heart and even though he’s not physically here with us I know he’s watching over all of us. I rather remember the happy times than the last week of his life. Those memories are still very raw in my memory and I need all of your help to get those memories replaced with all of the fabulous one that Gary and I made together in the 11 years we were together.
I hope you all have a better understanding of what I’m going through and how you can help me continue going on.
Love,
Sam
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A recent widow and single mom doing my best to survive on my own.
Last year I told Gary that I'd raise $1k at the 2010 walk, please help me reach my goal. This year Gary is one of the Honored Heroes for the walk so its even extra special to me. :) Just click on the Sponsor Me image to be taken to my fundraising page. Thank you!!!
Help me get to my 1st Half Marathon in Walt Disney World where I will run in memory of Gary :)
Sam,
Thank you for writing this. I have to admit that sometimes I’m really not sure what to say. I’m sure you know how sorry we all are for what happened but it’s really all I can think of and I feel like an ass when I remind you.
What I really want to do is hug you and hold you tight and tell you that life sucks sometimes and this is so unfair. That I can’t pass Volunteer Park on my way to anywhere and not peek inside. I don’t know what I’m looking for. I know Gary isn’t there anymore, waiting to take family photos, reluctantly. But that’s the last place I saw him smile and the place I want him to be so badly, waiting for you. I can’t imagine how many memories and places you must peek into every day.
Hugs and love to you!
Dawn