Sometimes you just have to
Bite your Tongue!
Today Mikey and I made our weekly trip to Publix. We usually go on Sunday’s but we were out of town this weekend for the long weekend. So since we got back today we played catch-up. It was a normal trip to the supermarket until we got to the check out line. I was paying for our groceries and all of a sudden this older couple walks by our cart. The guy sees Mikey and starts talking to him. Totally didn’t bother me because he was being nice. Then all of a sudden he comes out with “I bet he’s daddy’s boy” and then with “I bet his daddy loves him so much”.
UGH! I know there is nothing on me or Mikey that screams out our situation, but man sometimes you just have to put on that fake smile while your insides are just SCREAMING his daddy D-I-E-D!!!! Yes Mikey WAS daddy’s boy, and Mikey’s daddy loved him with all of his heart, but I didn’t need to be reminded of the fact that Mikey doesn’t have his daddy around on an innocent trip to the supermarket.
I know the nice old man at the supermarket had NO idea he was saying something to me that he shouldn’t have. I know this won’t be the first time we have to experience something like this. I’m afraid for the time when Mikey is old enough to tell them flat out that his daddy is dead. I’m not looking forward to that moment, but I know that its going to be here before I know it. Whether I’m ready or not.
People still read the paper
What are the odds that someone actually reads the printed newspaper? I guess that’s a good thing.
Today I had my dreaded dentist appointment. Not dreaded because I was worried about my teeth, dreaded because I was afraid I’d get asked “How’s Gary doing?” because Gary was also a patient at this office. Well to my surprise I get in and the tech comes right out and said I read it in the paper and I’m very sorry. I knew she had to have meant the article that was printed in the Sun Sentinel about my blog because we didn’t put out an obituary for Gary. And at that moment it hit me, people DO read the newspaper. Others really did read about our story. It wasn’t just printed just to be printed. How cool is that!?!?!?!?
Speaking of the paper my wonderful coworker purchased several copies of the paper for me so I have my article in print. 
Now I need to look for a place where I can preserve the article for years to come so that I can pass it down to Mikey when he gets older.
Identity Mixup
I was just reminded of this as I was going through my receipts for our trip. When we checked in last Saturday I was booked as Samantha Zullo as I had been on our last cruise as an employee. When we went on that cruise I had my amended passport that had a print out on the very last page saying that my name was amended to read Samantha Kaya Zullo. Kaya is my maiden name but now its my middle name since I never had a middle name. Well when I checked in last Saturday the lady was all confused because my passport picture page said differently than my reservation. Ummmm no if you look at the amended page you’ll see the difference. I even pointed it to her. Well she let me go with no issues. I didn’t think twice about what happened until I started seeing receipts with my Samantha Kaya instead of Samantha Zullo. It somewhat got under my skin but apparently not enough for me to go stand in line at Guest Services to make them change anything. It’s just weird to have someone refer to me as Samantha Kaya when I haven’t been referred to that in 5.5 years.
Oasis Vacation Recap
Ok so this is gonna shock most of my readers I’m actually going to post something totally not cancer or widow related. Eeeeeeek hope I don’t bore you all 
So last Saturday Mikey and I boarded the very beautiful and massive Oasis of the Seas. I work for Royal Caribbean so I’ve been hearing about this ship since they started bragging that they were going bigger than the Freedom Class. I was able to tour it back in November when it came to Ft. Lauderdale but wasn’t allowed to take any pictures because of the press. No biggie, I knew I’d be going on it eventually, low and behold I never imagine it would be this soon.
I’ll be honest when they first talked about this massive ship I thought, it’s going to be WAY too big of a ship, but honestly it’s just perfect. I’m so glad I picked this ship to be Mikey’s first cruise, granted it’ll be a tad hard to top this one. Oh well! There are just so many features that made it so easy to travel with a 2.5 year old. His favorite spot was the Carousel on The Boardwalk. I actually had a room with a balcony that practically overlooked the carousel. Could not get much better than that!
The H2O zone was also a favorite of ours. Our morning ritual would be to get up, eat breakfast, possibly play golf, watch either the surfers or boogie boarders, and then hit the pool. The pool thing was a little testing for me because Mikey isn’t completely potty trained and in order to really enjoy the entire H2O zone he could not be in swim diapers. So every 30-45 min I’d take him to the bathroom and he’d go. We had no accidents at all. So huge kudos to both of us!
We did venture to the dining room on one night. I wanted Mikey to experience it plus it was the Venetian Feast night. Hello jumbo shrimp, caprese salad, and my favorite dessert….Tiramisu!!! It was definitely an experience going into the dining room with Mikey but it wasn’t horrible. He ate his mac n cheese and I had my yummy food. Afterward we went to the Aqua Theater because they were playing Wall-E on the big screens. So dinner and a movie with probably THE cutest guy on the ship
As for the ports, they were just ok. Our favorite was probably our first port, Labadee. Can’t go wrong with a beach day with free food since everything is Royal Caribbean owned. Before heading back to the ship I picked up my first and only drink a Coco Loco. Yummmm! Our other two ports, Costa Maya and Cozumel were ok. We did do some shopping in those ports but only at shops that were close to the ship. I just didn’t feel safe going alone with Mikey anywhere in Mexico. Don’t want people seeing a pic of Mikey and me on the news because we’ve gone missing ya know!?!?!?
Overall it was a fantastic trip. I honestly didn’t think it would go so smoothly but it did. I’m impressed with myself for being able to do something that really would have been made easier had I had someone else there to help me out. Sorry didn’t mean to toot my own horn I’m already thinking about our next cruise
My story on Sun-Sentinel!!!!
Last Sunday as Mikey and I were sailing the seas on the beautiful Oasis of the Seas my story hit the Sun-Sentinel local newspaper. I never imagined my story being covered by a newspaper let alone the local one. Shoot just getting Gary’s obituary to read in the Florida State Times that comes out a few times a year has been more of a mission than this! So I’ve added my story below, here’s a link to the actual online article: My Story
Pembroke Pines woman uses her blog to tell of her experiences as a young widow, single mom
By Chris Guanche, Forum Publishing Group
May 1, 2010
Samantha Zullo’s blog isn’t like most others.
Every new entry she posts offers information about cancer, or chronicles her experiences being a widow and single mother at age 30. Blogging served as an outlet for her and husband Gary Zullo to help deal with the rare T-cell lymphoma he’d been diagnosed with.
“The blog was like therapy,” said Zullo, of Pembroke Pines. “Gary could write how he felt.”
Samantha Zullo said the diagnosis came as a shock — her husband was in his early 30s, exercised and ate right, yet he was afflicted with a form of lymphoma normally found in people twice his age. The diagnosis came two days before the birth of their son, Michael.
Gary Zullo received chemotherapy treatment for his condition. That meant flying to Maryland and both of them being away from Michael. After several treatments, he returned to work as a software engineer and was taking Michael to day care in the morning. It all changed last Christmas, when he began to act delusional and was taken to the hospital with pneumonia and kidney failure. He died Jan. 1.
“It’s completely unreal, like a really bad nightmare, and I’m still waiting for someone to wake me up,” she said.
But even after her husband’s death, Samantha Zullo kept blogging. She recalls the frustration of looking for information or people to relate to. She would use the blog to help people in similar situations.
“I can’t help my husband anymore, but I can help others,” she said. “I know he would want me to do things to help others.”
In addition to blogging, Zullo donates blood and helped with a fundraiser for Weston’s Relay for Life cancer awareness event. The fundraiser started with a simple idea: 2-year-old Michael and his classmates at the Creative Child Learning Center in Sunrise decorated flags to sell at a silent auction.
“We wanted to do something for the family,” said Sarah Braisted, the center’s director. “When there’s a loss like that, there’s not much you can do to make someone feel better.”
Children decorated the flags with handprints or drew fish and other animals on them. The flags were displayed at the Relay for Life’s opening ceremony on April 24.
Because the effort was organized at the last minute, Zullo said she was expecting to raise about $250. Between the auction and other donations, the effort netted about $1,500.
“A lot of people are struggling with the economy, so to see donations coming in like that is incredible,” Zullo said.
As for the blogging, Zullo doesn’t intend to quit anytime soon. She said comments from strangers who can identify with being widowed or experiencing cancer have been helpful. Gary Zullo’s blog remains online, and he’d intended to write a “witty book” about his experience with cancer. Samantha Zullo intends to write that book for him, using material from his blog.
“I want to take something that was very negative and put a positive spin to it,” Zullo said. “Even if no one else reads it, it’s for me.”
It’s those little moments that creep up
I think I’m WAY overdue on a non-cancer/non-widow post but let’s face it even when I try my hardest to NOT type about either of those topics it somehow finds its way into my post. Tonight as Mikey and I wrap up our first solo vacation aboard the VERY beautiful Oasis of the Seas we were sitting in Central Park people watching. I was seriously contemplating my next blog post. It was going to be about all of the “interesting” people I met aboard this massive ship, but alas that idea got trumped by something else because I got this overwhelming feeling of sadness that overcame me.
I wasn’t sad because our trip was ending. I was sad because I was reminded of the last night of my very first cruise. It was almost 7 years ago aboard the Sun Princess. Gary and I had just had 2 amazing weeks in Alaska (a place I’d still love to go back to one day). Our ship was making its way back to Vancouver B.C. Our bags were packed and sitting outside of our stateroom. We were in bed watching tv before bed. A few days earlier, as we were leaving Juneau, we were sitting on our balcony and Gary had slyly asked me if a certain question had been popped what would I say. He knew what my answer would be; I think he was just testing the waters. Well on that last night while in bed, I turned to him and asked him what he meant by that question. I thought for sure if he was going to pop the question he would have by then, but he hadn’t. Well he got all clammy and nervous and out came the question I had been waiting for. There was no ring because he wanted me to pick the perfect ring when we got home, and that was fine with me.
I never thought I’d be able to go on a cruise without him by my side, but I was able to and I had a damn good time! Granted it wasn’t easy just Mikey and me. I couldn’t really take advantage of some of the things that I wanted to because quite frankly even though I know I could have dropped him off at the kid’s center to be watched I didn’t want to. I wanted this trip to be about Mikey and me. It’s almost like it’s a new beginning for us. Even though I don’t think we needed bonding time because we’ve had a lot of that lately, it was definitely great to be all alone with him. Do I wish Gary could have enjoyed Mikey’s first cruise, hell yeah, but I know that he’s watching over us wherever he’s at. He’d be so proud that I took Mikey somewhere that wasn’t Disney.
One year anniversary
I’m not sure why it’s even worth noting, but it is my blog and I control what I write or don’t write…right? Well even though I’m on vacation with Mikey I can’t help but know what today signifies. Today is the one year anniversary of Gary getting his official diagnosis of Peripheral T-Cell Lymphoma. I remember this day last year like it was just yesterday. We knew the call was coming because Gary was playing phone tag with the doctor. Finally around 6pm when we were both home his cell rang and we both knew who it would be on the other line. I didn’t have to be listening in on the call to know that it wasn’t going well. I saw the look of concern overcome Gary’s face as he was told that not only he has a more aggressive type of cancer but that he’d need chemo asap. I heard the word chemo come out of Gary’s mouth and I felt this sinking feeling in my stomach. I could only imagine the feeling Gary was feeling at that very moment. If Gary would have known that less than a year later he wouldn’t be alive I just know that he wouldn’t have done the treatment. He would have totally had taken his chances with this lymphoma thing and would have seen how long his body would let him be here for. It’s just crazy to think of all of the things that transpired in this past year.
A recent widow and single mom doing my best to survive on my own.
Last year I told Gary that I'd raise $1k at the 2010 walk, please help me reach my goal. This year Gary is one of the Honored Heroes for the walk so its even extra special to me. :) Just click on the Sponsor Me image to be taken to my fundraising page. Thank you!!!
Help me get to my 1st Half Marathon in Walt Disney World where I will run in memory of Gary :)
